Hi Daniela, I think this is a great topic. I look forward to seeing the research you find. Some suggestions for you thesis statement: 1)make sure you call it a "chocolate" kiss when you introduce it 2)replace the word "today" with a phrase about taking a modern look at the candy 3)delete the part about including interesting fun facts... it's assumed that your paper will include facts and interesting information simply because it is an academic paper, you waste word count by saying it in your thesis. Think about how you are planning on structuring the paper for the next draft and try to match your statement with a paragraph by paragraph outline of your paper (like what we did in class today). Good for you for posting early on in the weekend!! Enjoy the 4th of July. -Kristine
I think this is a very good thesis statement. It starts with the this paper will discuss and continues on with what the paper is going to be on. My only suggestion is that the last part about interesting facts seems a bit too broad so maybe be more specific on what some of the facts are on.
I really like your topic hershey kisses. I think your thesis is a start to a good paper. One suggestion I would make is try to keep your audience in mind as you write. It is helpful because what you write will be a lot more specific and clearer to the reader. For an example, rather than "kisses" try using "Hershey kisses" or "Hershey chocolate kisses" so there is no guessing on the audience's part on what you are referring to. So far so good, keep writing :)
Hi Daniela,
ResponderEliminarI think this is a great topic. I look forward to seeing the research you find. Some suggestions for you thesis statement:
1)make sure you call it a "chocolate" kiss when you introduce it
2)replace the word "today" with a phrase about taking a modern look at the candy
3)delete the part about including interesting fun facts... it's assumed that your paper will include facts and interesting information simply because it is an academic paper, you waste word count by saying it in your thesis.
Think about how you are planning on structuring the paper for the next draft and try to match your statement with a paragraph by paragraph outline of your paper (like what we did in class today). Good for you for posting early on in the weekend!! Enjoy the 4th of July.
-Kristine
I think this is a very good thesis statement. It starts with the this paper will discuss and continues on with what the paper is going to be on. My only suggestion is that the last part about interesting facts seems a bit too broad so maybe be more specific on what some of the facts are on.
ResponderEliminarHi Daniela,
ResponderEliminarI really like your topic hershey kisses. I think your thesis is a start to a good paper. One suggestion I would make is try to keep your audience in mind as you write. It is helpful because what you write will be a lot more specific and clearer to the reader. For an example, rather than "kisses" try using "Hershey kisses" or "Hershey chocolate kisses" so there is no guessing on the audience's part on what you are referring to. So far so good, keep writing :)
-Kettles
hey daniela great topic, your thesis statement is really good i hope i get to read the whole essay
ResponderEliminarhi daniela! i lovee your topic and your thesis is very good
ResponderEliminar